A secular progressive (aka the Devil) holds the following truths to be self-evident.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Schadenfreude Is Where It's At

I hate to break it to y'all, but I'm still ridin' a slight Obamahigh. Ye olde rage well is runnin' a touch dry and whatnot. I am a bit miffed that he's yet to get a stimulus package through Congress (I seem to recall he told us he wanted to sign said lauded stimulus package into action on Day One) but I understand he's up against a mighty bureaucracy and there's still tons of pork shit to be hammered out, so I'm still willing to cut him some slack. At least until Black History Month. Then it's gonna be on like white on rice. I'm also officially going to hold Obama accountable if I don't get this government job I got lined up. So be prepared for a wall of bitchy shit to come down if I'm still unemployed this time next month.

But leave it to the bitter, insane right wing whiney assholes to jump all over Obama like a Kleenex at a snot party mere hours after he stumbled through the oath. Rush Limbaugh said, on inauguration day, "I hope he fails."

I hope you're happy with that quote. I had to travel to Rush Limbaugh's website to retrieve it and now I feel filthier than a Vegas whore. Clearly, this is the most outrageously unpatriotic thing any whiney little asshole could say, even one as whiney as Limbaugh. When you say you want the president to fail, you're saying you want this country to fail. Wanting America to fail = John Walker Lindh territory. God, it felt way too good to compare Rush Limbaugh to a member of the Taliban. But it's true. Look, if any person said those exact four words about George Bush this month six years ago- in the lead up to the Iraq invasion- Rush would have had no problem throwin' around the "you're a terrorist and want bin Laden's America-hatin' babies" routine. So consider it a dose of your own McCarthyite Oxycotin-laden medicine, Rush. You whiney little bitch.

But honestly, that statement didn't and doesn't really bother me. That's because for the past week, I've felt like Cartman at the end of that South Park episode where he makes that kid Scott Tenorman eat his parents (Cartman grinds his parents into a chili; it's actually really funny). When the kid realizes that he's just eaten his parents, Cartman says, "Oh, god, I love your tears, Scott. Please, let me taste your tears."

That's how I feel and it's great. Picture Scott Tenorman as Rush Limbaugh and me as Cartman and you've approximated my almost orgasmic ebullience over the past week at the Fox New brigade's hate-flavored tears. It's a blast to finally be able to throw their own shit right back in their faces. Don't support Bush Obama? Then you might as well be pissin' all over the hole in the ground at Ground Zero, hippie. Then you want the terrorists to win, commie. You're either with us or against us, Frenchie.

This is America. Love it or leave it, bitches.


Haworth said...

I was going to do a post on Rush, you beat me too it ggrrrr

Who the Hell names a child 'Rush'?
what a dumfuck name!!

alana said...

hahaha..."let me taste your tears"

wow. :)

unokhan said...

for a long time RL was the only talk show host on armed forces radio. this went on for years and nobody said a thing. it didn't occur to anybody but commies that something was wrong. all the clintonistas were "lala, whatevs, pluralism, rainbows, ice cream"

Can I just say... said...

Geez, maybe Limbaugh is the parent of the student at my school who called and said he didn't want his kid to watch the inauguration. Who says that? "I hope he fails." What an idiot.

Beelzebub said...

@ haworth: Do one. I want to hear your non-Yank take on Mr. Limbaugh.

@ alana: Cartman rules. That episode was the first thing that popped into my head after I heard that statement.

@ unokhan: I'll have to take your word for it. I was a young'n in the 90s.

@ Can I Just Say: He's just a bitter, pill-poppin' old fool. And to quote a comedian who said this years ago, "He was probably high when he said it." haha

unokhan said...

oh, he's still on armed services radio. so when he sez "i hope obama fails" in that context he's saying "i hope the commander-in-chief fails." who do you suppose is making his ASR broadcasts possible? you and me, babee! that's right: tax dollars. we are paying for limbaugh's rants about "godless liberals" which are then broadcast to the troops.

there was a precedent for this radio bullshit. his name was Charles Coughlin. but i wasn't born then so hell he/it prollee didn't happen and if it did it doesn't matter

Beelzebub said...

Oh, unokhan. Leave it to you to make me feel like a dumb asshole. I'm sorry I didn't put more words into my comment on your comment. I was unaware that Rush Limbaugh was on Armed Forces Radio and that it's funded by tax-payer dollars. Thank you for imparting some of your immense knowledge on me.

I wikipedia'd Charles Coughlin and now I'm scared. We must shut down Rush so that he cannot spread his radio bullshit anymore. I am not into pluralism and rainbows, sir. I am a foot soldier in the Obama revolution. Hope and change for some, gags for others.

unokhan said...

okay now get a job and pay some taxes, slackerette -- rush needs your help! murica is calling! oxycontin for all!

Beelzebub said...

Hey man. I paid taxes for two whole months last year! I'm a victim of Bushonomics! America and Rush are gonna have to wait! I need some Oxycotin!

JollyRoger said...

I got quite a thrashing from a 'tard because I had the audacity to post something disparaging of old Oxy-Moron. My goodness, the inbreds are really and truly up in arms, aren't they?

Woozie said...

The number of segments the Daily Show could do on him and O'Reilly and the ilk about being hypocrites is truly endless. Last night the Colbert Report conducted an interview with Papa Bear using cleverly edited clips, about a clip of him saying it was unpatriotic to not support Bush in 2003, and of him saying just the other day that he doesn't fully support The O. Or something like that, I was drying off from a shower.

DB said...

Limbaugh is a douche and I am glad to see him and his losers followers forced to defend him and his statements. Btw, Armed Forces Network plays Hannity and Laura Schlesinger as well. With "liberal" host Colmes to break up the mix. Ya, AM radio sucks when you are overseas. Then again, it sucks in the US too.