Number one: The cover of Joe The Liar's new book. Presumably, "Joe The Plumber: Fighting for the American Dream" means fighting against the forces of the gay liberal conspiracy to destroy America under a fake persona with an exposed ass crack via a book that was ghostwritten by someone smarter than you.
-Nostradamus, his fan club, and Nostradamus-related programming. He was not a prophet. He wrote vague statements about the events of his day that people later interpreted as prophecy. Sort of like the people who wrote the Bible. Take this quatrain: "The sky will burn at 45 degrees / Fire approaches the great New City / Immediately a huge scattered flame leaps up / When they want to have proof of the Normans." Clearly this references airplanes flying into the Twin Towers on 9/11. Because if there's one thing the hijackers hated, it was a lack of proof of the fuckin' Normans! Goddammit, they hated that shit! I think that's also mentioned in sentence one of bin Laden's first fatwa against the U.S. Check it. But it does teach me an important lesson if I ever decide to enter prophecy as a profession: if it's vague bullshit, the people will come. I just want to thank the History Channel for airing three successive and sincere programs on this asshat.
-My town's roundabout. In an effort to be cool, European-like, and save money on another useless traffic light, my town erected a roundabout (or "traffic circle," if you're a lame Yank) near said community college. Problem is, the local yokels cannot figure it out. As I was passing through it today, a guy in a truck did like a 380 in it; he went around it completely then took the right he was closest to when he pulled up to the damn thing. During that minute he was driving around, he must have been pissing himself in terror that he'd died, been sent to hell, and give this Sisyphean task as eternal punishment for his inability to understand the hard science of yielding to your left and exiting to your right. And I'm sure he's not the only one who's had that existential crisis while frantically trying to exit this black hole of a demon known as our town's roundabout.
-Maintaining this constant level of outrage. It's exhausting. :)