A secular progressive (aka the Devil) holds the following truths to be self-evident.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

18 Krazy Kids Iz Kool


First of all, LOL at that picture. Secondly, I got major beef with this family. They're the Duggars and they have a show on TLC called "17 Kids and Counting," or "And Baby Makes 18," or "And Jesus Sayeth Unto Us: Fucketh Until You Dropeth." I forget. Anyway, you get the idea: 18 kids + evangelical Christianity = reality tv gold.

And I hope you don't think I'm implying they're racists by the title of this post. I would never make such a sweeping indictment of a group of white religious extremists. Because we all know that religious nutbags are never any kind of "ists" or "ophobes" or "judgemental assholes." I just thought it looked nice.

On December 18, 2008, the mom gave birth to the eighteenth kid in this family. It was a girl they named Jordyn-Grace, because all the kids have names starting with the letter J. I was definitely disappointed she didn't squeeze out another boy, because then they could have named him Jesus. Or Jesus Bob. The birth of little Jordyn-Grace was chronicled on a TLC special and I watched it. I don't know why; I guess it's that masochism coming back into play. I think I like the parents because they remind me of a real life Ned and Maude Flanders from The Simpsons. You know, painfully nice, soft spoken, and batshit crazy into religion.

But it gets better. Cause tonight, we get "A Very Duggar Wedding" that follows the oldest Duggar child as he prepares to get married at the rip old age of 20. From the previews, we learn that he and his blushing bride-to-be followed a strict Christian form of asceticism and didn't even kiss before their nuptials. Didn't even kiss. Didn't even kiss. Oh shizz! That was the hook for me!

I do have to give it up to the Republicans via the evangelical Christians in da South, though. Deal with a diversifying America? Fuck you! If we can just get all the crazy Christian white folks to have 20 kids a piece, we won't have to compromise the Joe the plumber crowd. We'll balance out all them damn latinos and force America back to the 1800s, complete with no tv, no Democrat Party, and lots of creepy pioneer dresses for the girls. Praise be to god.

7 comments:

alana said...

I'm suprised they're not mormon with a mob of kids like that. lol

Overall I think it’s irresponsible to have that many children.

Can I just say... said...

I saw that show once. And I can't help but wonder...is she giving birth the natural way or is she having c-sections? How is it possible for a woman to give birth to 18 babies without completeley destroying her body? I think 18 births is pretty rare...even when you go back to the time when families had lots of kids to take care of the farm...the whole thing creeps me out.

Beelzebub said...

@ alana: I concur. It's almost like they're doing it just for the fame. But then again, that's what Christ would have us all do.

@ Can I just say: I think it's a mixture of natural and c-sections. She's had a few sets of twins, apparently. And the whole thing is indeed creepy. But entertaining!

Haworth said...

the must be in tatters!!!

Woozie said...

No. NO.

unokhan said...

you don't suppose she breast feeds

Beelzebub said...

@ haworth: Probably.

@ woozie: Oh, yes. YES.

@ unokhan: haha. YOU may suppose, sir. I, however, never considered it in this instance.