A secular progressive (aka the Devil) holds the following truths to be self-evident.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

The Audacity of Audacity

Well, it's day eleven of Israel doing it's defendin' thang against them asshole idiot goat-fuckin' terrorists in Gaza, in case you haven't been keeping score. Or watching TV. Or surfing the Internet. So the Israelis attacked a school yesterday, killing 39 civilians. Big deal. That's where Hamas was hiding! Oh wait, no Palestinian militants were killed in that school attack? Well, *huffs* well, I heard that they were shooting at armed forces in the Israeli military! I mean, when armed forces in the military are shot at, you're supposed to respond by killing children! Israel has lost ten whole people since this started. Ten! Oh, there's been 670 Palestinian causalities? Dayum.

Yeah, I'm not sure how much longer our idiotic defense of Israel's actions can last given these incredibly lopsided numbers. It's getting more psychotic by the day to hear Israel whine about being a victim of periodic Hamas rocket attacks in civilian areas when they're the ones doing the constant rocketin' into schools and hospitals now.

But I happen to read something the other day that totally incensed me, and also offended and bemused me. I spent a while on the Jerusalem Post website in an attempt to stay fair and balanced like Bill O'Reilly when I came across an op-ed written by woman who actually insinuated that because Barack Obama hasn't said much on this conflict, it could force Israel to act hastily before Bush leaves to get what they want because Bush is Jew-friendly. Maybe I'm too outraged to get her true meaning, but I sincerely believe she is trying to blame some of their actions on Barack Obama's silence on this conflict. Barack Obama. The man who, in 13 days will become U.S. president. Not Israel's. God, what a Republican way to argue something! 9/11 is Bill Clinton's fault, even though G-Dub was in office at the time, and now this shit is Obama's fault when he's not even in a position to do anything about it yet! The woman said he should come out screaming in support of Israel and reaffirm America and Israel's special relationship. Bitch, we have one special relationship and it's with our mama England. Take a number.

And lest you think it's just Jews who are batshit nuts and blaming Obama for this current mess, today al-Qaeda number two Ayman al-Zawahiri said, and this is a direct fucking quote, "This is Obama whom the American machine of lies tried to portray as the rescuer who will change the policy of America. He kills your brothers and sisters in Gaza mercilessly and without affection." I've reread this sentence several times and I think I've succeeded in giving myself a slight stroke. I thought Obama was in D.C. working on the stimulus package; I didn't realize he was personally mowing down children in Gaza, and without affection no less! You think Perez Hilton would have posted a picture of that by now, maybe with a little cum dribbling down Obama's chin as he bayonets a small Muslim child. Of course, this is the same al-Zawahiri who called Obama a "house negro" or something to that effect after his victory in November and said he was a disgrace to "honorable" black Americans like Malcolm X. But it sounds nutty, even for a group as apeshit as al-Qaeda.

This day in history: Twenty nine years ago, Jimmy Carter gave $1.5 billion in loans to Chrysler, which the company was able to pay off in three years with the help of Lee Iacocca and his glorious, groundbreaking, genius mini-van concept. -Do you hear the choir of angels?- The mini-van would become a revolution in the auto industry and provide suburban soccer moms with a larger, 80s version of the station wagon that's still annoyingly cliche well into the 21st Century. That Iacocca prick's still alive, so they should dust him off and install him back as CEO. All he has to do is reinvent the wheel to save the American auto industry. And by "reinvent the wheel," I mean rip off those fuckin' Japs he so loathes.


Woozie said...

They gotta get their invading and pillaging in before the hope-and-change deadline. I suppose Perez will have to get his cum dribbling in before then as well.

alana said...

That’s the problem with Obama’s silence; it can be misconstrued to mean anything a person wants. And, though I can’t believe I am going to agree with the al-Qaeda on something, I can see how Obama’s silence sounds a lot like support. (Do you think I’m gonna get wired tapped now?)

I can’t believe people think he should come out and support Israel in this. I must be confused; maybe its time to change the bong water, but I thought we didn’t like terrorists and I don’t really have any other name for people who kill children.

Beelzebub said...

Yeah, I suppose you're both right. I was just stunned at the level of personal blame these groups are heaping on Obama when he's still got 13 days before he can actually do anything.

I actually see things from his perspective now and I think if he were to issue a statement blasting Israel, it would make the U.S. look a touch schizophrenic since Bush is busy blasting the Palestinians. Of course, political schizophrenia wouldn't be a change from the past eight years but Obama IS the change candidate.

unokhan said...

obama made an abrupt departure from his so-called "one president at a time" policy when he immediately condemned the assaults in mumbai, india in november.

these last eleven days of silence are telling. i knew he would be another weasel but had no idea it would be this soon.

Beelzebub said...

Touchee. I'm still hoping his silence is masking a change in policy toward Israel, though. Or maybe I should put down the Obama Kool Aid. But it tastes so sweet!