A secular progressive (aka the Devil) holds the following truths to be self-evident.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

I Hope Hope Is A Plan


I have a confession to make- I am really an optimist at heart. Yeah, underneath the facade of (genuine) cynicism and wariness, I usually conclude that things don't suck most of the time. Unfortunately- and all too commonly- this underlying rosiness gets pissed the fuck off.

Like all good Obamunist liberals, I want to believe our president and his Democratic Congress can fix all that ails our dying country. And quickly. But I also know that the news is getting worse by the New York millisecond- GM is laying off 47,000 workers in one month, the Stock Market has had its worst two-month opening ever, GDP is at its slowest pace in 27 years, etc. And that's just the shit I can remember off the top of my head.

I'm beginning to believe that there's little anyone can do for the US of A except let this shitstream of failure continue. I watched part of Obama's address to Congress this week and while I love the oratory (I always do), it just seemed like more of a pep rally than a plan. Yeah, I know the stimulus got through, but it's going to take years to measure what, if any, positive effect that has on the economy. I did like how Obama challenged Americans to get more schooling and whatnot but what difference does having a college degree make if there aren't any "good" jobs to be had? I'll answer that question from personal experience: it don't make a damn difference.

Anyway, I know the economy will recover because it always does. And I also know that it's too early to call America completely out of the race. With a constant flow of immigrants, America is poised to remain the third most populous country in 2050- with an estimated 438 million people- while most of the populations of other industrialized nations will fall by that year. Fuck, we're like Jason- just when you think you've killed us for the seventy billionth time in the fourteenth sequel, we snap back to cut someone else's head off. We'll be hanging around like uninvited houseguest we are, just hopefully without the unwarranted go-to-hell attitude.

Monday, February 16, 2009

10 Out Of 10 Historians Agree: Bush Sucked Ass

Historians recently released their rankings of our past 42 presidents and ole Abe Lincoln comes in at numero uno. James Buchanan, Lincoln's predecessor and the man who allowed the country to slip into the Civil War (and also our only bachelor president), comes in last. But who cares!

The best part of this new poll is where our favorite retarded president ranks. George W. Bush comes in at 36th; 36 of 42. I loves it. He ranked 41 out of 42 in international relations and 40 out of 42 in economic management. The Decider received his highest ranking- 24th - in "pursuing equal justice for all." Uh, yeah. Other than Gitmo and the Patriot Act and the Iraq war, I guess that could possibly be true. Possibly. Of course, 24/42 is an F, so it doesn't bother me.

I, of course, think Bush is our worst president ever but I'm content with his 36th place. Hopefully he'll continue to slide down the rankings as history continues to reveal what a breathtaking failure he was. Interestingly, Slick Willy rose from 21st place to 15th; it's nice to see how history and its judges have matured over the past ten years. And I say "matured" because I'm sure Monica was responsible for Clinton's lower initial ranking. Way to go, history nerds!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I'm Not Dead

Clearly, ole Common Nonsense has been neglected. I can't even say it's because I've gotten a life or I'm completely thrilled with our new president. I've just lost interest and I hate myself for it.

Anyway, I'd like to thank Can I Just Say for tagging me for the following Honest Scrap Blogging Award. It made me smile. I like your blog, too!

Moving on to the politics front, nothing has brought me more lolz over the past few weeks quite like listening to the GOP bitch and moan about all the funding Obama's stimulus package is going to entail. Republicans never stop astounding me with their lack of irony. I think they need to realize that their big government got us into the myriad of messes we're currently in and it's going to take more big government to get us out. But I guess now that said big government is in the form of "tax and spend liberals" (cause heaven forbid we actually pay for the shit we do), all of a sudden they're back to being the party of fiscal responsibility. LOL

Moving on to the "me" front, I might have a job in Obama's new liberal big government! I took a test last week to be a supervisor in something to do with the 2010 census and I passed! Yeah for me! I couldn't help but lol a little, because I, at age 23, may be in a position to supervise people in their 40s and 50s. All that power is gonna go straight to my balls, I swear.

Of course, since it's the government, I probably won't hear anything from them until June but it's still something to smile about today. Don't let me down, B!

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

The Adorable First Obama 'Controversy'

How cute is the Tom Daschle story? He didn't pay his taxes. Awwww! How fuckin' quaint is that given all we just lived through under Bush? It's almost sweet. And the fact that he stepped aside willingly is almost noble. But of course, the right wing is freakin' out. I overheard my mother watching The View this morning and Elizabeth Hasselbeck was all pissed. And then one of the other women said, "But at least Obama admitted he was wrong. Bush said he never made one mistake the entire eight years he was president." Right on, sistah!

I really think the fact that Obama admitted his bad here is refreshing. He's self-aware- a quality George Bush is sorely lacking. Maybe he will admit he fucked up in his memoir no publisher wants to promote, but I doubt it. It's hard for me to get pissed over such a pseudo-controversy, a quasi-non-issue. The fact that it's been resolved takes all of the little wind out of its sails, in my not so humble opinion. I can't wait to see what other kind of adorable shit Obama's peeps get into over the next four years.