A secular progressive (aka the Devil) holds the following truths to be self-evident.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Godspeed, You Black Emperor

Dear President Obama,

First of all, great speech. You made me tear up again. And thank you for giving us non-believers a shout out. That was unexpected, given all the god shit goin' down on the dais. I did chuckle a bit when you stumbled over the oath of office (that prick John Roberts; he has one job to do and fucks it up!) but it made you human. And I was very glad to hear you, Senator Feinstein, and even Rick Warren kick dirt in George Bush's eye right in front of his face. That made me smile, too, even though I was rollin' my eyes during Warren's Jesus shit. And how great is it to officially say, "Former president George W. Bush." Former. As in the past.

I didn't get the poet but I hate poetry that doesn't rhyme. If she had written that poem in Seussical fashion, I would have loved it. I did like the black preacher, though, cause his shit rhymed. Talk about loling! Brown is indeed stickin' around!

I was a bit disappointed that you didn't sprout horns and start eatin' people's faces after taking the oath, but I guess you can't be all things to all people. You did look very presidential, downright majestic and regal at times, and you'll look great in your White House portrait. And the girls looked freakin' adorable, as usual. I hate kids but I love your girls.

In short, you are a rockstar and the world is at your feet. Now for god's sake, don't fuck it up or get shot. Please.

Yours in christ, always,
Beelzebub

15 comments:

Haworth said...

It has been a great day, great speach by Obama. The black preacher was fantastic.

Im sure Obama will do good! But I'm sure some KKK/Nazi retard is thinking 'Im gonna get the ******'

alana said...

Hopefully we are past the point of assassinating people we don't like.

But like Anderson Cooper pointed out, hope is not a plan. :)

Beelzebub said...

@ both y'all: Today was a great day but I did sorta expect someone to die. I just didn't think it'd be Senators Kennedy and/or Byrd. Shit!

And hope is definitely not a plan but I did enjoy his speech. One of those CNN pricks said it sucked but what the hell did they expect? It wasn't jam packed with bullshit talking points and I happened to like that.

unokhan said...

been readin some of yer older posts -- total lolergasm territory.

u really on facebook? o do sho

Beelzebub said...

You wish. Then my secret would be revealed.

JollyRoger said...

The sad thing is, he doesn't have to fuck anything up to fail. Chimpy's left such a mess behind that it may not be fixable.

JollyRoger said...

Isn't everybody on Facebook now? :) I'm real easy to find...

Woozie said...

Unokhan's on facebook?

You're on facebook?

Fuck, I need accounts! NOW! GIVE THEM TO ME!

unokhan said...

@ beelz -- i keep 4gettin about that witness protexion thingee

Beelzebub said...

@ unokhan: Actually, I was referring to the fact that you uncovered my dark secret last week: I'm Michael Moore posing as a 23-year-old straight female in Appalachia in order to advance my flaming liberal agenda. Guilty!

@ both woozie and unokhan: I'll show you mine when you show me yours.

Woozie said...

Earlier today he and I became facebook friends thus solidifying our friendship eternally. It's a looooove shack up in here baby. And where are you? On the outside, looking in, wondering if anyone'll notice you slipping in the back door and looking like you belong. But we shall notice. Oh, yes.

unokhan said...

oh noz, ah dun diddit now

long live cumberland and all the other gaps

Beelzebub said...

No, I dun did it. The ball's in your court now, woozie! Don't keep me an outsider!

And it ain't a gap; it's a valley. Word.

unokhan said...

frostburg eh?

Beelzebub said...

Yep. It's sorta like our version of Harvard. If Harvard were the cheapest four-year university in Murlund.