A secular progressive (aka the Devil) holds the following truths to be self-evident.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Year In Bill Maher

I can't think of a better way to sum up the year in politics than this clip of Bill Maher from November 7th talking about Barack The Magic Negro Obama's win and the Republican reaction.

And just for shits and giggles, here's Bill Maher's list of Dickheads of the Year from Rolling Stone's December 07 issue. My favorites (and two things that are timeless in their suckdom) are:

College Republicans: The place where cutthroat, amoral putzes like Karl Rove cut their teeth. They're all staunchly for the Iraq War, although none have volunteered to go, even though they're the same age as the grunts doing the fighting they say is so important. Doughy losers who, at age twenty, care more about tax cuts than girls. And lately they've been holding these "Catch an Illegal Immigrant" parties around the country where they basically play hide-and-seek with one lucky player posing as the wetback. Usually you have to be older and married before you start hating life so much you try to blame the Mexicans for all your problems, don't you?

George W. Bush: Come on, no list of assholes and fuck-ups could be complete without the Dipshit in Chief. Who will tell this president what everyone but him already knows? The theory of evolution. And the times tables. And where the sun goes at night. And that Iraq is going to be three different countries. And that everyone hates us and we've run our military into the ground and the Taliban is back and we still haven't caught bin Laden and the economy is tanking and we wasted eight years blowing the oil companies while the Earth is melting. We had a pretty nice house when this Cat in the Hat of presidents came in and made the mess of all time. And who's going to clean it all up — Rudy Giuliani?

Luckily, no, it wasn't the guy who was fucking there on 9/11. That dumbass got his ass handed to him by a bunch of sundried Florida retirees after a spectacularly inept campaign. No, it's going to be a guy no one outside of Illinois, the Trinity United Church of Christ, and the Internet had even heard of last year at this time. And a black guy no less! Twenty more days!

However, I need to bitch a little about our president-elect. I keep receiving e-mails from his campaign (can we even call it that anymore?) still wanting money for shit, this time to throw the inaugural ball to end inaugural balls. Seriously, B, are you fuckin' kidding me? You raised $700 million in the general! Where the fuck did that go? And I did spot you $15 back in October, dude. That's the best I can do until I can get a job rebuilding infrastructure and a greener America and shizz.

Anyway, Happy New Year. Here's to 09 being slightly less shitty.


JollyRoger said...

I'm about to tune up my spam filter to start throwing away Obama campaign messages. Enough is indeed enough.

Woozie said...

Texting Unsubscribe to 62262 was one of the best things I ever did. It was my belated birthday gift to myself.

Beelzebub said...

@ JollyRoger: Yes, I concur. I can't be bailing out all his shit.

@ woozie: Im currently drunk off my ass and have no clue what you're talking about. But if I sober up here soon, it might make sense. :) Ha! Drunk blogging is awesome.