A secular progressive (aka the Devil) holds the following truths to be self-evident.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Happy Xmas Eve Eve

The sign homeless Santa is holding says, "The sleigh broke down." This picture would probably be funnier if it were 1999 but I wanted to give a shout out to the economic crisis in this otherwise cheery post.

Robot Santa from "Futurama." He's the reason I will only refer to Christmas as "Xmas."

And this one is just for lolz. I hate kids, so this one brings a tear to my eye.

I actually enjoy Xmas Day but I'm not really sure why. I was about 9 or 10 when I caught on to the great Santa conspiracy and I never really forgave my parents for that injustice. Ever since I was about 12, Christmas at the Beelzebub household has really been like Hanukkah. We just get each other the practical shit we asked for. No surprise, no excitement, other than the unwrapping. "Oh, it's that book I asked for. Thanks." "Oh wow. A whole pack of socks? It really must be Christmas!" OK, you get it. I guess that's one of the joys of growing up.

However, I do love the food and being around family. Yeah, my cyncism hasn't completely calcified and I don't actually hate being around my family at holidays. And there's one reason for that: they're all fucking nuts. My grandmother, for example, has been calling George Bush the anti-Christ since at least summer 2001 and finds the need to mention it at every familial get together. And my 50-year-old uncle is a spinster. I'm unaware of an equally offensive term for men but if that word exists, my uncle is it. He has never been married and lives alone with four cats, one of which he named after himself. Yes, he owns a cat that he has named after himself. A cat.

Anyway, enough with this nonsense, I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Xmas. I was going to give you the secular "Happy Holidays" but even I as an atheist hate that shit.

No comments: