A secular progressive (aka the Devil) holds the following truths to be self-evident.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Child Labor Globalization Is Chic

I certainly cleaned up today. I got a closet's worth of new clothes, some books, and three seasons worth of Bullshit!. Jesus' birthday was very good for this atheist.

As per holiday tradition, I went through all of the tags on my new clothes to laugh at the countries they were made in: Hong Kong, India, China, Cambodia, and Mexico all made the list. I just want to make one thing clear: I do not support child labor in the First World. I find it barbaric and sickening. But dammit, I am a sucker for a finely stitched sweater! I just want to thank the six-year-old who crocheted this gorgeous pattern on my new turtleneck:

It's actually purple; I'm not sure why it's showing up as red. I blame the communist idiots in China who made my Sony Cyber-shot digital camera. Anyway, I wonder if she knows purple is a regal color. Doubt it. But she certainly has a future in...aw, she doesn't have a future! But thanks!

It's no wonder America died this year. India and China's economies are so booming they have to employ children. Way to rub it in, Third World Asian countries! I mean, how are we supposed to compete with that? Our six-year-olds are too busy not learning anything in our horribly underfunded public schools. And those damn American auto workers, with their demands for safe working conditions and decent wages! You know who else said shit like that? One Karl Marx! I guess it's a good thing the auto industry collapsed so we can finally break their backs and get back to paying workers in lint and verbal abuse. Hey, it's the only feasible way we can compete with the sweatshops powerhouses in Asia- by reverting back to societal standards circa The Jungle. And I promise that's my last use of the strikeout thing this post. ;)

Nah, I actually don't mind that everything I wear, drive, eat, and think originated in other countries. I'm just embarrassed that we can't even make our own patriotic shit in America anymore. We've outsourced flag-making! Way to be "country first," Republicans! You know we're fucked when our "America Is #1" foam fingers come made in China.

Anyway, hope your Xmas went well. I also hope you bewared the gun-totin' Santas. Geesh.

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