A secular progressive (aka the Devil) holds the following truths to be self-evident.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Sarah Palin, Grandma at 44


The Governor of Alaska's 18-year-old unmarried daughter Bristol popped out her first (of many, I'm sure) kid today. Bristol "Abstinence-Only Sex Programs Just Make Me Wanna Fuck More!" Palin and her hot baby daddy Levi Johnston named their son Tripp. Ah, it's lovely to see this young couple continuing the Palin tradition of shit awful first names. Oh by the way, they're still not married. So Jesus is a very unhappy god-man right now.

And just because I really don't care for Sarah Palin, I'd just like to mock her children's names a little longer. Bristol is one of five children; her siblings are Piper, Track, Willow, and Trig. It's like Sarah and Todd just threw darts at random nouns to get these names. "'Track?' That's a high school sport! Meh, fuck it." "'Trig?' Oh come on now! We're Alaskan hicks, Todd! Gosh, my college degree is in journalism; I can barely read talking points off a teleprompter! I can't do math; I don't even know Africa is a continent!"

Ah, white trash. There's nothing more American.

3 comments:

Ambles said...

Willow... how to make your child automaticaly sound like a vegan/lesbian/pothead. Great work.

(.... no offense to vegans/lesbians/potheads...)

Errant Gosling said...

"Ah, it's lovely to see this young couple continuing the Palin tradition of shit awful first names."

Hilarious. :)

Beelzebub said...

@ Ambles: Totally. And they're crazy religious neocons from Alaska, which makes the name even more absurd.

@ Errant Gosling: I wish I could take credit for the hilarity but that's all on the Palins. :)