A secular progressive (aka the Devil) holds the following truths to be self-evident.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Time magazine has named our next president as Person of the Year in its annual issue. And yeah, that's not the right cover. This cover is from 2006 and note the title of the article: "Why Barack Obama Could Be The Next President." Come on! Two years ago, we were all laughing at that shit! A brotha? Are you kidding? The next president all the way back then was maybe going to be Hillary or quite possibly Rudy Guiliani (because he was fucking there on 9/11). Barack Obama? Shit, with that name he should be glad he made it to the Senate. And that was before we even knew his middle name. I mean, the fact that we were even considering Hillary as a viable candidate was too much for most of America. A white woman as president? Whoa whoa whoa there, little lady! Why can't you bitches just be glad one of yous is Speaker of the House? Leave the commander in chiefin' to the men. ROAR!

Anyway, that was before Obama kicked the shit out of Hillary and John Edwards in the Iowa caucases, before the country got used to his booming smokers' voice speechifyin' about hope and shit in packed stadiums coast to coast, before the youtube videos and "grassroots" Internet campaigning. Before the $700 million raised and the Obamamania...OK, you get it.

As I've written before, I'm glad he won. I'm really really really glad he won. But this is such a boring, predictable, political choice by Time. Not as political as selecting Rudy Guiliani over Osama bin Laden in 2001 (bin Laden was the original choice but the Time peeps pussied out at the last minute) but it's just expected. Just to be an asshole, I would have picked Sarah Palin or Rush Limbaugh and written articles about how their brand of hate, "anti-intellectual pride" (David Cross quote, I loves it!), and lowest common denominator bullshit brilliantly backfired this year. I then would have parlayed that into how America is changing and shit, you know, the stuff we progressives love to hear.

But seriously, I hope this will be the last of the Obama apotheosis pieces and we can get down to the business of being more skeptical and critical of his decisions. The election's over, America has climaxed, and now we're waiting to see how our baby develops. Obama has a lot on his plate, which means he actually has to do shit. And a lot of it. Let's leave Obama the Celebrity in '08, please?


Ben Connor Barrie said...

Well, it's better than last year when the person of the year was "you". That was a real cop out.

Beelzebub said...

haha, Oh man. I forgot about that.