Breaking News: Michael Jackson Is Still Dead

Michael Jackson died on Thursday, in case you've been under a rock... on Mars ... with your fingers in your ears and your eyes firmly slammed shut. I'd like to preface my comments by stating I am a fan- I heart MJ's musical prowess, dancing ability, and all around icon status. He was awesome. But come the fuck on. The media is acting like it's 1983 and the man was at the height of his fame. And they're also acting like there's absolutely nothing else going on in the world that they could possibly be covering- from the worst recession since World War II down to the never-ending conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq. I've had to glean the "important" news from the goddamn CNN news ticker, which is like reading a televised version of Twitter. You try piecing together the recent developments in Iran via choppy, sentence-fragmented, tiny font bullshit while "Billie Jean" blasts in the background... while waiting for the coveted interview with the L.A. County Coroner who personally handled Jackson's decaying corpse. Long live the 24/7 news cycle and the pointless filler that comprises it.