tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86020702011-07-08T12:46:52.914-04:00A secular progressive (aka the Devil) holds the following truths to be self-evident.Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.comBlogger751100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-20909584969311557302009-06-27T20:20:00.002-04:002009-06-27T20:37:43.288-04:00

Michael Jackson died on Thursday, in case you've been under a rock... on Mars ... with your fingers in your ears and your eyes firmly slammed shut. I'd like to preface my comments by stating I am a fan- I heart MJ's musical prowess, dancing ability, and all around icon status. He was awesome. But come the fuck on. The media is acting like it's 1983 and the man was at the height of his fame. And

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-43843389288439370502009-06-10T17:03:00.005-04:002009-06-10T17:29:18.007-04:00

There was a shooting at the Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C. today. Apparently, some white supremacist entered with a rifle and began opening fire on visitors, killing a security guard and injuring two others.Where to even begin with this story? First of all, lol @ the notion of white supremacy in the United States. I do believe this continent was populated by natives who, you know, weren't

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-55358111690774205122009-06-01T20:32:00.000-04:002009-06-01T20:32:50.916-04:00

Well, today was an interesting day. I woke up to find General Motors had filed for Chapter 11, so now the failed auto company is basically owned by the U.S. government. Obama and his economic people plan to make the company viable again but in the immortal words of Bill Maher, "presidents aren't magicians, not even Chocolate Jesus." (hehe) I'd hate to see the U.S. auto industry go down- this

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-51194769283847686802009-05-25T15:07:00.000-04:002009-05-25T15:08:05.859-04:00

Happy Memorial Day! It's America's favorite socialist holiday to celebrate the sacrifices made in the quest to defeat fascism and communism. Just so you don't think I'm ungrateful, I already lit a candle or two for the brave and courageous souls at Fox News who slave tirelessly to bring down the tyrannical President Obama and his band of communist cut throats in Congress. The patriotic sacrifices

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-42588972138349038392009-05-21T22:00:00.000-04:002009-05-21T22:01:01.443-04:00

My favorite recent story from the pop culture front has to be the cheating allegations dogging America's favorite breeders Jon and Kate Gosselin. The Gosselins, of course, have an insanely popular show on TLC that follows their lives as parents to a set of eight-year-old twins and a set of five-year-old sextuplets and all the wacky hijinks that ensue. And also about how stressful it is to have so

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-15786749483522295202009-05-19T18:43:00.000-04:002009-05-19T18:43:54.216-04:00

Yeah, it's been a while. I actually tried my hand at Twitter for half a minute, just to see if its 140-character limit could more acutely hold my attention span, but it wasn't meant to e-be. I found myself yearning for the bad old days (re: a few months ago) when I wasted all my time on ye olde Common Nonsense. And now I have RETURNED!! *maniacal laughter* Just wanted to comment on a few stories/

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-34825674325418058792009-02-28T03:13:00.000-05:002009-02-28T03:13:24.219-05:00

I have a confession to make- I am really an optimist at heart. Yeah, underneath the facade of (genuine) cynicism and wariness, I usually conclude that things don't suck most of the time. Unfortunately- and all too commonly- this underlying rosiness gets pissed the fuck off. Like all good Obamunist liberals, I want to believe our president and his Democratic Congress can fix all that ails our

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-82018067588266769522009-02-16T16:33:00.000-05:002009-02-16T16:33:43.502-05:00

Historians recently released their rankings of our past 42 presidents and ole Abe Lincoln comes in at numero uno. James Buchanan, Lincoln's predecessor and the man who allowed the country to slip into the Civil War (and also our only bachelor president), comes in last. But who cares! The best part of this new poll is where our favorite retarded president ranks. George W. Bush comes in at 36th; 36

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-28275597105691332892009-02-10T11:38:00.000-05:002009-02-10T11:38:34.813-05:00

Clearly, ole Common Nonsense has been neglected. I can't even say it's because I've gotten a life or I'm completely thrilled with our new president. I've just lost interest and I hate myself for it. Anyway, I'd like to thank Can I Just Say for tagging me for the following Honest Scrap Blogging Award. It made me smile. I like your blog, too!Moving on to the politics front, nothing has brought me

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-69404206785839497612009-02-04T11:48:00.000-05:002009-02-04T11:48:36.676-05:00

How cute is the Tom Daschle story? He didn't pay his taxes. Awwww! How fuckin' quaint is that given all we just lived through under Bush? It's almost sweet. And the fact that he stepped aside willingly is almost noble. But of course, the right wing is freakin' out. I overheard my mother watching The View this morning and Elizabeth Hasselbeck was all pissed. And then one of the other women said,

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-17110584871270464302009-01-30T17:53:00.000-05:002009-01-30T17:53:59.674-05:00

-A hilarious post script to the octuplet story- the mother already has six kids. And all fourteen (that's 14) of her children were conceived using sperm from the same donor. And she's single and still lives with her parents. LOL-Rush Limbaugh is being touted as the "new" voice of the "new" Republican Party. I'm sorry, is this 1993? Speaking of the Republican Party, they elected Michael Steele as

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-59246736882713646752009-01-29T16:49:00.000-05:002009-01-29T16:49:45.101-05:00

In case you haven't heard, a set of octuplets was born in California last week. All eight babies are said to be doing well, as it their mother. As usual when a woman gives birth to a litter of Frankenstein children, the media is going gaga apeshit over this news. Personally, I find it highly disturbing. Highly. We don't know much about the mother, because she and her doctors are in some sort of

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-15676316426923523982009-01-27T00:32:00.000-05:002009-01-27T00:48:17.728-05:00

I hate to break it to y'all, but I'm still ridin' a slight Obamahigh. Ye olde rage well is runnin' a touch dry and whatnot. I am a bit miffed that he's yet to get a stimulus package through Congress (I seem to recall he told us he wanted to sign said lauded stimulus package into action on Day One) but I understand he's up against a mighty bureaucracy and there's still tons of pork shit to be

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-54027219173379597062009-01-25T12:40:00.000-05:002009-01-25T12:41:11.591-05:00

First of all, LOL at that picture. Secondly, I got major beef with this family. They're the Duggars and they have a show on TLC called "17 Kids and Counting," or "And Baby Makes 18," or "And Jesus Sayeth Unto Us: Fucketh Until You Dropeth." I forget. Anyway, you get the idea: 18 kids + evangelical Christianity = reality tv gold. And I hope you don't think I'm implying they're racists by the

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-43451871902646647472009-01-23T12:01:00.000-05:002009-01-23T12:01:19.619-05:00

Obviously, I have nothing of actual import to bitch about (assuming the hot Facebook topic has been settled). Obama signed an executive order to close Gitmo, Obama is still alive, and I'm feeling- get this- happy and optimistic about the future. Gross. So clearly, the past few days have been a living hell for your sarcastic, cynical, bitter girl. I'm hoping I'm not coming down with an acute

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-60200113446669581872009-01-20T13:19:00.001-05:002009-01-20T13:19:11.349-05:00

Dear President Obama,First of all, great speech. You made me tear up again. And thank you for giving us non-believers a shout out. That was unexpected, given all the god shit goin' down on the dais. I did chuckle a bit when you stumbled over the oath of office (that prick John Roberts; he has one job to do and fucks it up!) but it made you human. And I was very glad to hear you, Senator

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-25841900074087179722009-01-19T11:54:00.000-05:002009-01-19T11:54:54.307-05:00

The cost of the Iraq War: $589,505,206,491 / 100,000+ dead bodiesU.S. budget deficit: $1 trillionThe cost of corporate welfare ('08 only): $700 billionThe decline and fall of the American Empire?: PricelessThere are some things in life money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterRetard."Free at last! Free at last! Thank god almighty, we are free at last!"- Dr. King.

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-6343948103015863782009-01-18T13:02:00.001-05:002009-01-19T17:12:44.323-05:00

"Z is for Zillah, who drank too much gin." - Edward Gorey.Preface: I'm bored and uninspired at the moment. I was tempted to do a drunk post as an homage to woozie's awesomeness but opted against it for a variety of reasons (re: I fell asleep). Anyway, I woke up with the gin eyes and there's nothing new on the politics front for me to whine about so enjoy the following sober analysis:You Know

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-51719441559776312072009-01-16T16:30:00.000-05:002009-01-16T16:30:37.328-05:00

The plan. I was tempted to give this one its very own post but it isn't worth it. Mother Dearest has been on me to come up with a "plan" for my life. I'm all like, "But I did the plan. The plan was college. My high school guidance counselor told me if I went to college, all the doors in the world would open up to me, flowers would bloom in the desert, Muslims and Jews would get it on, and my life

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-62584634040868056292009-01-15T16:53:00.000-05:002009-01-15T16:53:01.039-05:00

George Bush will give his farewell address tonight. Will I watch it? Um, no way. As the devil, I've had his number for years now and am warming a special place for him in Hades right next to my fiery ass. I'm sharpening my pitchfork and readying the other assholes in hell for his arrival.That and I already know what he's going to say. Something along the lines of: "I'm the bestest president ever

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-79938827936327051542009-01-14T14:01:00.000-05:002009-01-15T02:40:50.303-05:00

Bush and Cheney are on a media blitz to try and convince us the past eight years were awesome and/or that Bush is some unrecognized genius that only time can vindicate. Sort of like Vincent Van Gogh, if, you know, Van Gogh were a retard who sucked at life. The whole gang have been real busy beavers these past few weeks lying and attempting to rewrite history. Dick Cheney actually said, "[The

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-38912449164044930122009-01-12T15:06:00.000-05:002009-01-12T15:06:27.330-05:00

This morning started off like many before it. I awoke after five hours of restless sleep pissed off, groggy, and in dire need of a bigass pot of coffee. But there was one slight difference: I happen to awaken in the Fox News Twilight Zone Where America Is Awesome All The Time. The front page of my hometown newspaper has a photo of an African woman and the following article summary: "Aid worker

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-1292467624463029572009-01-10T14:11:00.000-05:002009-01-10T16:29:30.241-05:00

I have a hate/hate relationship with my fellow Americans. They're wrong on every single crucial issue: George Bush, Republicans, gay marriage, Jesus, evolution, climate change, international relations (*cough* Israel *cough*), guns, drugs, and Sanjaya Malakar. Just when I was ready to take up and move to China, they elect Obama and a Democratic Congress and I rethink my utter antipathy toward

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-20111858415654336732009-01-09T17:40:00.000-05:002009-01-09T17:41:03.589-05:00

Just so you don't think I'm racist, "Negro Jesus" is the actual title of this picture. Anyway, I was bored and surfin' the Internet pages of the right-wing British paper The Telegraph and came across the following headline: "Sacha Baron Cohen's black Jesus to shock America." The description of the article is, "Sacha Baron Cohen is preparing to shock America with his latest film, which is said to

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-43319482929098390412009-01-08T18:19:00.001-05:002009-01-12T18:48:47.575-05:00

I'm sick of that shit so I'm going to ramble incoherently for this particular entry. Here are some things that are chapping my lily white ass right now:Number one: The cover of Joe The Liar's new book. Presumably, "Joe The Plumber: Fighting for the American Dream" means fighting against the forces of the gay liberal conspiracy to destroy America under a fake persona with an exposed ass crack via

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-36979623854103595932009-01-07T09:52:00.002-05:002009-01-07T09:53:19.316-05:00

Well, it's day eleven of Israel doing it's defendin' thang against them asshole idiot goat-fuckin' terrorists in Gaza, in case you haven't been keeping score. Or watching TV. Or surfing the Internet. So the Israelis attacked a school yesterday, killing 39 civilians. Big deal. That's where Hamas was hiding! Oh wait, no Palestinian militants were killed in that school attack? Well, *huffs* well, I

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-7203475537539564682009-01-06T19:21:00.002-05:002009-01-09T23:24:37.837-05:00

I only read the op-ed section of my hometown paper when I'm bored or feel like insulting my intelligence. It's always filled with the paranoid, ill-informed rantings of the paranoid, ill-informed hicks who populate the tri-state area around my confused little town. I just happened to peruse this particular section today, and was greated by an article titled "Don't Imitate the Europeans." The

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-57424541392080777012009-01-05T17:15:00.000-05:002009-01-05T17:16:14.157-05:00

Oh boy! It's Armageddon Week on the History Channel and I'm in devil heaven. I'm currently watching a program on the Apocrypha and they're discussing Adam's first-wife-turned-bitchass-succubus Lilith. Tonight they're going to air "Seven Signs of the Apocalypse" and I can't fuckin' wait. I think I've seen it before (both the program and the signs) but I'm still looking forward to it...because

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-56860733541292576712009-01-03T12:30:00.001-05:002009-01-03T12:30:56.638-05:00

Top story: George Bush is an asshole and uses meaningless buzz phrases and I want him to go away. George Bush has labeled Hamas' "attack" on Israel an "act of terror" and has called on the U.S. to help stem the trade of weapons to "terrorist groups." George Bush actually said, "The United States is leading diplomatic efforts to achieve a meaningful cease-fire that is fully respected," in his

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-13870219589429925112009-01-01T13:09:00.000-05:002009-01-01T13:10:25.730-05:00

I managed to survive my gin and juice-fueled evening to see the dawning of 2009. I've been awake since 3:47am humming the hypnotic chorus of the eponymous Snoop Dogg song: Rollin' down the street, smokin' indo, sippin' on gin and juice. Yes, I am really, painfully white.Anyway, I awoke to more than just a headache and a belly full of liquor. Turns out some actual shit has gone down since I passed

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-86267864619176912852008-12-31T17:41:00.003-05:002008-12-31T18:35:15.559-05:00

I can't think of a better way to sum up the year in politics than this clip of Bill Maher from November 7th talking about Barack The Magic Negro Obama's win and the Republican reaction.And just for shits and giggles, here's Bill Maher's list of Dickheads of the Year from Rolling Stone's December 07 issue. My favorites (and two things that are timeless in their suckdom) are:College Republicans:

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-43704363925333342112008-12-30T19:08:00.001-05:002008-12-31T10:38:50.140-05:00

I almost got excited over the news that Israel is bombing the shit out of Gaza, prompting massive protests in the Muslim world over the 300 or so Palestinians who have died in nonstop rocket attacks since a ceasefire pact expired last week. Now, I don't want you to think I'm a sadist. I'm not. I'm just an atheist who is totally obsessed with the notion of The End. The nihilist in me is really

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-6609820176113972952008-12-29T21:16:00.000-05:002009-01-09T23:24:37.838-05:00

The Governor of Alaska's 18-year-old unmarried daughter Bristol popped out her first (of many, I'm sure) kid today. Bristol "Abstinence-Only Sex Programs Just Make Me Wanna Fuck More!" Palin and her hot baby daddy Levi Johnston named their son Tripp. Ah, it's lovely to see this young couple continuing the Palin tradition of shit awful first names. Oh by the way, they're still not married. So

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-65811588297957853912008-12-28T12:09:00.000-05:002008-12-28T12:10:43.387-05:00

Holy shit. Al Franken just might pulls this thing off. According to my favorite socialist London paper, The Guardian, the former SNL writer is up by 48 whole votes over Republican incumbent Norm Coleman. The recount is still far from over, but in a country where elections are perpetual, that's not surprising. Frankly, we wouldn't have it any other way. Coleman's peeps are still trying to have

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-17525378302221896942008-12-25T22:17:00.001-05:002008-12-25T22:18:20.261-05:00

I certainly cleaned up today. I got a closet's worth of new clothes, some books, and three seasons worth of Bullshit!. Jesus' birthday was very good for this atheist.As per holiday tradition, I went through all of the tags on my new clothes to laugh at the countries they were made in: Hong Kong, India, China, Cambodia, and Mexico all made the list. I just want to make one thing clear: I do not

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-70243728180185262152008-12-23T18:59:00.001-05:002008-12-23T19:00:19.820-05:00

The sign homeless Santa is holding says, "The sleigh broke down." This picture would probably be funnier if it were 1999 but I wanted to give a shout out to the economic crisis in this otherwise cheery post.Robot Santa from "Futurama." He's the reason I will only refer to Christmas as "Xmas."And this one is just for lolz. I hate kids, so this one brings a tear to my eye. I actually enjoy Xmas Day

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-11556792005052046672008-12-20T17:10:00.000-05:002009-01-12T18:48:47.577-05:00

-Watching that kickass Iraqi journalist throw his shoes at George Bush's face. It will never get old and gives poignant new meaning to the phrase "shoeicide bomber." But I do have to take issue with the media reporting that his flying shoes represent only Muslim outrage at Bush. Believe me, no one hates Bush more than Americans right now.-Knowing people are booking rooms in my hometown for

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-42153835434244316972008-12-19T00:04:00.000-05:002008-12-19T00:04:38.431-05:00

On this day ten years ago, the House of Representatives voted to impeach Bill Clinton based on his perjury, obstruction of justice, and abuse of power during the Lewinsky scandal. Lead by moral crusader Henry Hyde, who himself engaged in a five-year long affair with a married woman with children, the bills of impeachment barely passed and solely along party lines. I remember this shit. I remember

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-6015532432708308972008-12-18T00:14:00.002-05:002008-12-18T00:16:13.436-05:00

Here's a quick post for a thing at Twentysomething bloggers:"A wishlist of things you want that are free":-To see Obama and his family walk into the White House, knowing he's a smart guy who's right for the job. And knowing the White House was constructed by slave labor. It'll be pretty righteous. :)-To see George Walker Bush walk out of the White House. For. ever. And just generally putting a

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-21036719143785868022008-12-17T18:08:00.002-05:002008-12-17T18:39:40.163-05:00

Time magazine has named our next president as Person of the Year in its annual issue. And yeah, that's not the right cover. This cover is from 2006 and note the title of the article: "Why Barack Obama Could Be The Next President." Come on! Two years ago, we were all laughing at that shit! A brotha? Are you kidding? The next president all the way back then was maybe going to be Hillary or quite

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-84850486761722996062008-12-16T21:03:00.006-05:002008-12-17T22:11:57.643-05:00

It's snowing! It's our first measurable snowfall of the year and the whole area is overreacting, as usual. Schools let out two hours early and most other public buildings closed early as well. Yeah, I know. This isn't very exciting... until you realize that it was a humid, sunny 58 degrees Fahrenheit yesterday. It's a good thing this climate change thing is nothing more than liberal scare

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-22355107716272964892008-12-16T00:27:00.000-05:002008-12-16T00:28:03.668-05:00

This is what boredom and insomnia will do to you: I just finished a marathon YouTube session (I'm officially over 8,000 videos watched!) that lasted about an hour and a half. OK, maybe an hour and a half isn't such a long time but when your normal posture ranks somewhere between Kurt Cobain and Quasimodo, sitting in a computer chair for an hour and a half can fuck up an already-fucked up back.

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-57720747608474499822008-12-15T17:34:00.001-05:002008-12-15T17:36:31.003-05:00

4) The world doesn't hate us anymore! (at least they didn't November 4th and 5th)3) The New and Improved (and Blue) Electoral Map. 2) The Saturday Night Live-centered election. Normally, elections are parodies of themselves. Not this year. I propose that for 2012, we should just abolish the debates and town hall meetings and condense the entire campaign to a series of SNL skits. As long as they

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-13076573106142164732008-12-14T15:34:00.003-05:002008-12-14T19:56:22.638-05:00

OK, so I've noticed the tone of my previous posts is dark, bitter, bitchy, and depressing. I'm going to attempt to stay on the light side with this one and countdown the 10 best things of the year in my not-so-humble opinion. 10-5:10) Bush's last year!9) Obama surprises everyone by winning the Iowa caucuses, proves the Internet isn't just for porn addicts and fat virgin bloggers. 8) "Paper Planes

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-59585601537745448702008-12-13T23:51:00.005-05:002009-01-09T23:24:37.841-05:00

My favorite president is Thomas Jefferson. He was a genius in about everything he did (outside of the slave raping). He supported the full funding of education from kindergarten through university level. He wrote his own bible. He provided his personal library to start the Library of Congress. He negotiated the Louisiana Purchase. He was also a fellow dreaded secular progressive.It always cracks

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-44865322219458551562008-12-12T17:46:00.001-05:002008-12-12T18:40:56.007-05:00

I take Lorazepam, known colloquially as Ativan. I take it because I suffer from anxiety and insomnia and Lorazepam, working as a depressant, calms my happy ass down. I feel groggy and indifferent after a dose and I suppose those reactions make taking the drug a success. I have a prescription for it, therefore it's an "OK" drug. Anyway, I was inspired to write something on the topic of

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-19834850027549517772008-12-11T18:19:00.003-05:002008-12-13T12:27:10.467-05:00

Yeah, she got shut down. This definitely tickled me. It also reminded me of a somewhat heated appearance Bill Maher made on "Scarborough Country" a while back.And this is why I don't believe in religion. I could make a serious argument for why religion's bullshit but I prefer the devastating humor of people like Dawkins and Maher. Thank you and good night.

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-6364590092581786932008-12-10T16:57:00.002-05:002009-01-09T23:24:37.842-05:00

"This is not about political direction, this is about opening the doors for evil to permeate this nation to its very fiber." Actual comment at http://pmailletblogs.blogspot.com/ about the idea of a Barack Obama presidency. I, like the moron I am, commented on the obvious irony of this post. It was a kneejerk reaction. I feel bad that I may have distracted that poor woman from memorizing biblical

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-83377090114003691582008-12-08T16:41:00.007-05:002009-01-09T23:24:37.842-05:00

This is the state of the state I live in. The state of Maryland theoretically ends at Frederick, which is located roughly at the black line. To the right of that line lies Baltimore and the D.C. suburbs. That's where all the people and wealth in the state are located. That part of the state is overwhelmingly Democratic, which is why Maryland is always a solidly blue state. The Eastern shore and

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-2006519371033568322008-12-07T21:41:00.002-05:002008-12-07T21:59:44.939-05:00

The best movie of the year comes out on DVD Tuesday! I'm seriously stoked. I saw "The Dark Knight" twice at the theaters, which is the first time I've seen a movie more than once since "Titanic" in '97 (Hey, I was 12).Heath Ledger totally rocked it out as the Joker. He was both hilarious and terrifying at the same time and if he doesn't get his posthumous Oscar, I'll...whine right here on my

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-36084570773973824602008-12-06T11:40:00.010-05:002008-12-06T16:02:39.103-05:00

OK, B. We know. You don't have to say it everytime you're on tv or giving one of your youtube speeches. Of course, it'd be great if Bush would abdicate right now. I was thinking that pretty vehemently during that shit in India last week. I can't wait until it's popular, fresh-faced B. Hussein Obama talking down countries rather than flaming asshole hypocrite George Bush. 45 more days! And you

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-90789453575495808142008-12-05T21:42:00.012-05:002009-01-12T18:49:27.766-05:00

1) Christmas lights I'll never understand how celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ has turned into this. I'm sure the nexus somehow involves Santa Claus, capitalism and OCD but it's still pretty insane how endemic it's become. The act of putting up Christmas lights usurps celebrating the actual holiday. My family has the same dialogue every Black Friday (after the dawn shopping, of course): "

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-89088065585012354932008-12-04T17:43:00.005-05:002008-12-06T00:18:09.031-05:00

The other day, I found myself in a similar argument with a friend over my smoking:Friend: But why do you do it?Me: Because I enjoy it and everyone hates it. You know I'm a contrarian prick.Friend: But it's disgusting and it kills you.Me: What doesn't kill you these days?Then I proceeded to launch into my typical defense of smokers, which invariable involves comparing smoking to eating shit. To

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-37328919866737515162008-12-02T15:05:00.002-05:002008-12-06T00:19:32.979-05:00

Despite the shitty economy, I have a job opportunity lined up. I'm going to be a part-time census taker! Yeah! It's exactly what I went to college for!Actually, it is. I have a B.S. in political science and now I'll be working for the Man (at least through 2009). All I need to do is pass the introductory test.I've been doing a lot of thinking about the economy in general and like everyone, I'm

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-77704707570776556992008-12-01T22:57:00.003-05:002008-12-06T08:55:29.261-05:00

I just got done watching this movie on BBC America called "Britz." It's about a Muslim brother and sister living in the UK and how they deal with the ensuing identity crisis in completely different ways.The brother, Sahail, becomes a member of Britain's MI5, which is the British CIA. Of course, this invariably involves him spying on his old Muslim friends who are all suspected of being involved

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-43087696853642500042008-11-30T23:34:00.008-05:002008-12-05T23:59:56.158-05:00

Over the past few days, the tv has been offering us this commemorative plate noting Barack Obama's victory. The idea that this historic moment in U.S. history would be whored out for cash isn't surprising or even disgusting to me- it's entirely expected. But the fact that the plate was clearly rushed before the final electoral college map was known makes it feel just a touch cheaper.The next

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-37354556257811009632008-11-26T23:21:00.008-05:002009-01-09T23:24:37.845-05:00

Fresh off her election night ass-handing three weeks ago and her turkey holocaust last week, the Governor of Alaska is exploring her options. She recently spoke (all by herself!) at the Republican Governors Assocation and, you know, gave a fuckload of "exclusive" interviews to every cable station in this great land of ours. But good news for the vp wannabe! Incumbent Republican senator Saxby

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-80606092808678607402008-11-16T17:36:00.006-05:002008-12-10T17:01:09.687-05:00

Proposition 8 has passed in California. I'm legitimately shocked that it passed because I assumed that most people in that state are members of the gay liberal conspiracy to destroy America. I also didn't anticipate all the religious resistence they'd get to it (not realizing that there's a sizable Mormon population in CA). I suppose I'm guilty of viewing that state through a Berkeley/hippie

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-23152130583626012772008-11-15T23:11:00.003-05:002009-01-09T23:24:37.845-05:00

This man, Alan Keyes, carpetbagger, deranged narcissist, former 1996, 2000, and 2008 Republican candidate for president, former Obama rival in the 2004 Illinois Senate race, and author, has filed a lawsuit against Barack Obama and Joe Biden demanding to see evidence that Obama is a natural born citizen of the U.S. He claims that Obama's short-form birth certificate posted on the

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-38595613316864947632008-11-11T01:14:00.008-05:002008-12-10T17:02:18.215-05:00

Drink that shit up. There's a whole lot of fucking blue where there wasn't just four short years ago. How far we've come indeed.I just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of people commenting on the future of the Republican Party. I love how the media is acting like they'll go in some new, sane, non-Christiany direction. Puh-lease. The religious right is that party's eyewall; the notion that the

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-14385878816182678892008-11-06T22:28:00.008-05:002008-12-10T17:03:03.641-05:00

Move over, Nevada! We Marylanders voted big to allow slot machines in the state. The ballot initiative allows for up to 15,000 slots in five counties, including the one I live in. I can tell you we need the jobs up here in Bumfuck, irrespective of the impending moral calamity the Christians are predicting.I really love the Christian argument for why slots are so bad. Because "gambling" is bad.

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-85879022517084722212008-11-05T10:44:00.002-05:002008-12-10T17:03:24.671-05:00

Yeah! Now all you bigots can address this man as President-elect Barack Hussein Obama! I feel like we finally got one right, after eight straight years of fuck-ups. I'm the happiest I've been at any point in my adult life. I guess you could say, for the first time in my adult life, I'm proud of my country. Hat tip to Michelle Obama and everyone who voted Democrat.

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-16881231431971040882008-11-01T21:52:00.009-04:002008-12-18T22:52:25.559-05:00

Just a quick comment on our "accidental" raid on a Syrian village this week. According to the BBC, a U.S. helicopter raid killed eight people- including four kids- in an eastern region of the country. As you can see, Syria shares a long border with the country we're currently liberating. The U.S. government has supposedly chastised Syria for not cracking down on the traffic of unidentified people

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-62106708548086414492008-10-30T00:06:00.001-04:002008-12-10T17:03:49.135-05:00

Something that has me intrigued is the early voting phenomenon. According to an AP story, more Democrats are casting early ballots than Republicans, even in beet red states like Georgia. This is a reversal of the trend, because usually more GOPers get out the vote early.31 states allow early voting and, of course, Maryland is not one of them. At least not yet. We have an early voting initiative

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-61127528611570655152008-10-28T21:59:00.003-04:002009-01-09T23:24:37.846-05:00

According to America's new sage Joe the Plumber, a vote for Barack Obama equals a vote for the destruction of Israel. John McCain's hero said as much during an impromptu interview with a McCain/Palin supporter at a rally at some redneck locale this week.At first, I didn't understand why anyone would say such a thing. But after I pondered it for about 10 seconds, it came to me in a flash of

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-83601836180805901882008-10-26T23:09:00.004-04:002008-12-06T12:11:37.716-05:00

I lost my job earlier this month, therefore I've joined the ranks of the millions of unemployed. I'm not upset about it at all though; I'm young, unmarried, childless, and don't have any major bills or responsibilities. And I fucking hated that fucking ass, stupid ass job. Goddammit! It'll be interesting to see how low the economy goes. I'd like to thank George Bush and Congress for fucking up

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-85243158580794234812008-10-25T21:46:00.004-04:002008-12-07T17:28:10.573-05:00

I just have to comment on one of the best movies I've seen this year. Of course, I had to drive two and a half hours to the 'burbs to see "Religulous," because any movie with a hint of controversy is too much for my redneck hometown, but it was worth it for such a piece of cinematic excellence.Bill Maher is a personal hero of mine and he cements that status with his snarky, smart comments in

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-1103672319903409662004-12-21T18:38:00.004-05:002008-12-10T17:04:44.469-05:00

******October 25, 2008- I managed to locate a few entries from a blog I had in 2004, so I've decided to consolidate them here into my new one. I completely forgot about it and reading the entries is like going through a scrapbook. I realize I'm much more mature now. And by "mature," I mean older and meaner.************************I think this year's been quite productive. We had a presidential

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-1102107648198752452004-12-03T16:00:00.003-05:002008-12-05T23:46:30.893-05:00

I'm so tired of Christmas! And it's still 22 days away! It seems like it starts earlier and earlier each year. I spent the day after Thanksgiving cowering in my room watching the news. I can't believe how crazy people can be when it comes to shopping. I was watching "The Daily Show" earlier this week and they showed footage of this guy walking around a store carrying like 6 DVD players. What is

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-1101276941948097732004-11-24T01:11:00.002-05:002008-12-10T17:05:20.967-05:00

I'm not sure when I'm going to get started on my 15-page and 10-page term papers. I supposed I should work on at least one of them tomorrow. I just can't get motivated to write for hours about the relationship between Henry Hyde and his constituency. Not the most interesting stuff. But I know that if I put off the papers until the weekend, I'll regret it and end up frantically slapping down some

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-1101182396773628612004-11-23T02:00:00.005-05:002009-01-09T23:24:37.847-05:00

As someone who lives in a conservative area populated with myopic, uber-religious, over-patriotic Republicans, one would think I would have these folks figured out by now. No. Absolutely not. I am as perplexed now (probably more so, given the results of the election), as I ever was. Why would the people who live in rural areas in the south and midwest, who mostly live in poverty and work two or

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-1100931643442341392004-11-20T04:23:00.004-05:002009-01-09T23:24:37.848-05:00

I am the typical southern Democrat. I share many Democratic philosophies as well as some conservative ones; not too far to the left or right. I am the typical American voter. As someone who has an interest in politics (quite a vested interest to be exact; I'm a political science major in college), I've noticed some incongruities in Republican thought.First of all- they're pro-life. They're

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-1100902192860077062004-11-19T20:15:00.006-05:002008-12-10T17:06:34.920-05:00

If there's any lesson the Democrats can learn from the reelection of George Bush, it's that Hollywood, MTV, and politics don't mix. Or they at least don't translate into votes. The tremendous efforts of Michael Moore, P. Diddy, MTV's "Choose or Lose: 2004," and practically every celebrity in America proved totally futile in the face of utter voter apathy. The percentage of young people who voted

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-1097084450882206272004-10-06T16:40:00.004-04:002008-12-18T22:53:07.531-05:00

It's nice to have confirmation of something many people across the world have known since March of last year; there were no WMDs in Iraq. Of course, Bush -n- comany will still say that the Iraq war was worth it, but hopefully America will see that they've lied to us. WMDs was the reason for war, not simply the capacity to build weapons and a hatred of America (like Iraq is the only country in

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8602070.post-1097018315348091852004-10-05T22:18:00.003-04:002008-12-04T16:41:23.668-05:00

Greetings from the mountains of western Maryland! I don't really know why I've decided to start a blog but I'm totally bored at the moment and I do a lot of impulsive things when I'm feeling like this. I suppose I just have a lot to say and have no real outlet to do it. I just want a place where I can vent about my crappy hometown and other things that pop into my crazy head.I'm from Bumfuck,

Beelzebubhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13509334396010690557noreply@blogger.com1